Lawyer’s Compliment

“You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background,” sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. “If I wasn’t under oath, I’d return the compliment,” replied the witness.

Harry

Harry and Martha were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report coming over the radio. “There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets.” Harry got up […]

Communication Breakdown

(Author unknown) A woman went to see her solicitor about a divorce. “Well,” said the lawyer, “what are your grounds?” “Oh, very nice,” said the client, “we have an acre and a half, lovely landscaping…” “No,” said the lawyer, “that’s not what I meant. For instance – do you have a grudge?” “Not really,” replied […]

Hearing in court

(Author Unknown) These are things people actually said in court, word for word. Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten? Q: How […]

The Ideal husband

(Author Unknown) There are several men in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone that was on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues: “Hello?” “Honey, It’s me.” “Sugar!” “Are you at the club?” “Yes.” “Great! I am at the mall […]

The New English

(Author Unknown) The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would […]

Young Executive

(Author Unknown) A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. “Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make […]

Checkout

(Author Unknown) A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping centre. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in an extreme hurry, and was not happy about the slowness of the line. When the cashier […]

The Mexican Fisherman

(Author Unknown) The American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. […]

A Second

A man was wandering in the woods, pondering all the mysteries of life and his own personal problems. The man couldn’t find the answers, so he sought help from God. “God? You there, God?” he asked. “Yes. What is it, my son?” God answered. “Mind if I ask a few questions?” the man asked. “Go […]