IT

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realises he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?” The man below says: “yes you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this […]

Irishman

An Irishman moves into a tiny village in County Kerry, walks into the pub and promptly orders three beers. The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone. An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more. This happens yet […]

Indian Winter

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell what the weather […]

Timbuktu

The finals of the national poetry contest came down to 2 finalists. One was a Melbourne University Law School graduate from an upper-crust family. He was well bred and well connected. The other finalist was a westy/bogan from Broadmeadows TAFE. The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute […]

Doctor and Mechanic

Larry was removing some engine valves from a car on the lift when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Bill Johnson, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager. Larry, somewhat of a loud mouth, shouted across the garage, “Hey Dr. Johnson…Is that you? Come over here a minute.” The […]

Flood

Two men were sitting and fishing off a jetty in the Whitsundays. One eventually turned to the other and asked: “So, how do you come to be here?” The other said: “Well, I used to be in practice as a lawyer. I had a thriving practice, a lovely home and everything was fine until one […]

Jack and Jill

Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat. He said, “Jack, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother, and said, ‘Here, try these on.’ So, she did […]

Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see”. Watson replied, “I see […]

Advice from Children

Never trust a dog to watch your food. – Patrick Age 4 When your Dad is angry and asks you “Do I look stupid?” Don’t answer him. – Anette Age 8 Never tell your Mom that her diet doesn’t work. – Michael Age 7 When your Mom is angry at your Dad, don’t let her […]